Hollywood has a LOT of FAKE H_ _ _ _ RS

Get your mind out of the gutter....I'm talking about the "celebrity" golfers HACKERS who sport those handicaps that are complete bullsh!t.

We have all watched with great amusement as "celebrities" hack it around in the "Celebrity Pro-Ams" that we are tortured with. There are two utterly ridiculous parts to this ruse: (1) the celebs (alleged) handicaps, and (2) the inane remarks that the commentators feel obliged to pimp out (Google "Kelly Tilghman & Tim Finchem's solid six handicap" for a real gutbuster). It would only be funny (and not sad as well) if we just had to watch them play - but to listen to the talking heads act as if these are "real" handicaps is preposterous.

Well - finally,someone has broken ranks and has come clean about the "Celebrity Golfing" community. According to a quote in Golfweek from Mark Wahlberg (creator of "Entourage" , aka"Marky Mark"), "All the guys in Hollywood stink. They've all got fake hadicaps". Wahlberg, who has been previously reported as a "single digit" handicapper, admits that his game has slipped of late, and that he usually shoots in the high 80's and 90s.

The photos above are just a few of the most egregious offenders, but below is an excerpt from a recent "celebrity golf" list and their um, handicaps - read it and laugh your azz off...(my comments in italics)

1. Dennis Quaid 1.1 Improved from 4.5 to 1.1 in four months - RIIIIGHT. That equates to about 7 strokes per round improvement.

6. Samuel L. Jackson 4.9 Most improved since our 2001 rankings - Ever watch him play - Don't...

15. Bill Murray 7.5 Pebble fave keeps Index on East Coast - As a Caddyhack standard bearer, he should be ashamed of posting this.

23. Andy Garcia 9.1 Won AT&T with Paul Stankowski in '97 - All flash, no game.

T34. Sylvester Stallone 12 Plays often at MountainGate in L.A. - About as real as that hair and that taut jawline. "Yo Adrian, I'm taking 5 mulligans today"..

45. George Lopez 14.2 A hit on ABC and with AT&T galleries - Glad to see him gone from the ATT Pebble.

T46. Joe Pesci 14.3 Plays most rounds at Lakeside - Maybe the most laughable on the list. He hits it like 165 off the tee.

Who among you would not be happy to take any of these guys at their handicap ? I'll admit there are some celebs who can play (Jack Wagner, Quaid, Kenny G, etc) - but most are, as Marky Mark so aptly puts it "fake"...

Oh, as far as the Donald, he's currently a 1.2 . That handicap is about as real as a Mother-in-Law's love...Come on out to Bushwood, Donald - I'll play you straight up..., but remember "There is no gambling at Bushwood" !!!

Playing "Tiger Golf"...

Let me start by admitting that I am not a Tiger "fan" - there is no denying he is a dominant presence, and probably the best ever, but he's not someone I root for. It's kind of like cheering for the Yankees or the Patriots - it's easy to be a fan because they are almost guaranteed to win. I'm more of a Raiders and A's fan...I suppose I like some uncertainty with those whom I cheer for...

We've all heard about (and witnessed) what a fierce competitor that Tiger is. More specifically, we often hear that he "never quits" and is "always playing to win" - contrary to some PGA players who,once they know they are out of contention, seem to play it safe.

Anyway, enough background info - this post is about a real life experience. I am a decent golfer,but will never be a real low handicapper. My handicap fluctuates between 8 and 12, depending on the season and my iron game. I've been playing competitively for about a year (thanks TGC Amateur Tour), so no one would ever suggest that my competitive edge is as finely honed as a well stropped razor. Generally, I play hard because I want to do well, but certainly accept my shortcomings with good humor. What follows is a story about how I learned what "Tiger Golf" really means to us mere mortals.

Last week, I was playing golf with some buddies - we were playing cart vs cart, and our team won the front nine (and the small wager) by a couple of strokes. I was low man by 3 strokes, with a 40. At the turn, on of my colleagues suggested he and I play straight up on the back nine with a small side bet. I gladly accepted, eager for a little individual challenge (note that I bested him by 4 strokes on the front). My pal, let's call him "Phil", started the back nine like a man afire - 5 under after 4 holes, and no putts of more than 8 feet. As I found myself 8 strokes down after 4 holes...I was thinking that I had been completely set up. So what did I do ? Did I suck it up, and focus ? Draw upon my enormous intestinal fortitude ? Will myself to mount a comeback ?

Not exactly.... I conceded the bet, effectively giving up after 4 holes (impressive,huh ?). I then proposed a second bet match play for the final 5 holes, which he (obviously) accepted, as this looked like a sure thing for him. Then, something funny happened - I hit it to 4 feet on a par three and he went over the green and into some tall grass. I birdied, and he triple bogeyed (we continued to play as if it were stroke play, because the team bets were still on). Two holes later, I had won three in a row, and thus won the second bet (3 and 2). We then agreed on a THIRD bet - stroke play for the last two holes. I went up one stroke on 17, and we were both in the fairway on 18. I pulled my approach left, while he was just short of the green. At the end, he had a four footer for par, which he missed - while I made my 8 footer for a bogey, and the win.

Now for the moral of the story, and the entire point of this post. When I tallied up the final totals for the back nine, and circled the final scores, I was rather violently reminded of all those times I had heard about Tiger "never giving up". You see, I had beaten "Phil" by one stroke...meaning that I would have won the ORIGINAL BET, if only I had not given up after 4 holes...

I think that's what they mean by "Tiger Golf".... . As obvious as this all may seem to those seasoned competitors out there, it was a very enlightening and powerful lesson to me.

Caroline Larsson Interview

The third part of our interviews with the Ladies of Big Break PEI is here and ready for your reading pleasure. Pleasure is a good word to describe our chat with Caroline Larsson - she was a joy to talk to, and was quite patient with yours truly after a series of calendar FUBARs . Anyway, Caroline was SUPER COOL, and we thank her for that. We caught up to her as she was on her way to play in the Louisiana Pelican Classic (which was shortened to 36 holes by torrential downpours). She was making the mega haul from South Florida (where she lives) to Lafayette, La for the event. Caroline is a full member of the Duramed Futures tour this year, and is widely rumored to be the favorite among the female participants on The Big Break.Anyway, enough with the intro, let's roll the tape !

Cash: Hi, Caroline - It's great to catch up with you. Thanks for taking time to chat with me.

Caroline: No problem, Caroline: Glad to be here - I never imagined it would be so nice in here. These are some plush digs !

Cash: Nothing but the best for the Bushwood Brigade....you should see it around here on the weekends ! But enough of that, let's learn a little more about you.
Caroline: Ok, cool....well, I am 25 years old, 5'9" tall, and I am from Stockholm, Sweden. I came to the States in 2002 right before college, but my family is still back in Stockholm. Luckily, I get to see them a couple of times each year - they just came to visit me a couple of weeks ago.

Cash: Go on...

Caroline: I attended college at Florida State, where I played on the golf team for four years. I received a degree in Psychology, and graduated with a 4.0 GPA. My time at FSU was amazing and I have Coach Dillman and my lovely team mates to thank for that! We played against some great teams (Duke was one of them), and the tournaments were always filled with great players. One of most fun things was our friendly rivalry with South Carolina, especially my first two years - we were always pranking around with them, throwing water balloons and just generally having a good time. Some great memories there, for sure.

Cash: So are you like, a nerdy bookworm or something ?

Caroline: No, but I am a really determined person and I do my very best in the things that are important to me. During college that was school and golf and now I can put all my energy to golf!

Cash: Wow! So tell us a little about what we can expect from you in 2009 - what are some of your goals ?

Caroline: My top priority is to qualify to play on the LPGA tour next year, so everything I do professionally is directed at that. A great way to achieve that goal is to finish in the top 5 on the Duramed Futures Tour money list this year.

Cash: Tell us about playing on the Duramed Futures Tour.

Caroline: I've played on that tour for two years. I played in every event both 2007 and 2008. My best finish is a 2nd place at El Paso,TX, but I've also had a couple of 3rd and 4th finishes, so it feels like the win is just around the corner! Last year, I finished 23rd on the money list and the year before that 14th. The Tour is a great place for us get the final tune up before moving onto the LPGA - there are some super talented players on the tour. I plan to play in all 17 events this year, so my schedule is pretty full.

Cash: What are you working the hardest on ?

Caroline: Well, I'm always focusing a lot on short game because it's REALLY important. This off season I also worked a lot on my swing in order to get more consistent and to get more distance. I average about 245-250 with my driver, so now you don't have to ask that, haha.

Cash: So, what's in your bag ?

Caroline: I am a hard core TaylorMade fan, and have played their clubs since I was 12 years old. I play their Tour Preferred irons, and R7 460 driver, and R7 TP 3 wood, Rac TP Wedges, and a Daytona Putter (no hybrids, at least not yet). My ball is a Titleist Pro V1, which I mark with a circle around the number. I like to use red, because red means "birdie", haha.

Cash: Tell us a little about your on course style...

Caroline: I don't really have a preference with shorts or skorts, but the best kinds are the ones you can have a big belt with! I prefer sleeveless tops and I like visors the best. When it comes to colors, I like to wear either black or white and match that with a fun color! I don't wear a lot of earth colors like beige or khaki. On guys, I like it when the pants are not too wide...come on, I am from Sweden! Hats or visors really depends on the individual.

Cash: How many hole in ones in your career ?

Caroline: I've had 3 aces in my career, but my none in a tournament, so I'm due!

Cash: Tell us about your dream golf foursome...

Caroline: Tiger (the best ever!!!), Will Smith (he's hilarious and a great actor), and Ellen Degeneres (don't even know if she plays golf, but her show is the absolute best!)

Cash: What do you do when you are not golfing ?

Caroline: I like to work out, hang out with friends, go shopping, or some fun activities outside like kayaking or go to the beach.

Cash: Tell us something about Sweden that will surprise us..

Caroline: We don't have snow 6 months out of the year ! Actually, we only have snow in Stockholm about 2 months each year. We do have the midnight sun in the middle of summer, which is incredible. However, our climate is milder than people think due to the Gulf Stream.

Cash: Well, Caroline, that about wraps us up. Thank you so much for taking time to stop by Bushwood...you are out first international member, ...what can we say except "välkomnande till klubban" !!!

Caroline is a SUPER TALENTED golfer and a SUPER COOL CHICK - so don't be surprised to see her go far in the Big Break PEI. For more info on Caroline, check her out at www.carolinelarssongolf.com and also at www.thegolfchannel.com/bigbreak.

I'ver gotta run now because , as Caroline would say, Det är coctailtimmen på Bushwood!

Why Can't Titleist Seem to Hold on to Young Players ?

Let me start this post by apologizing to you - because, generally people come to Bushwood for ANSWERS, dammit....not questions !  However, this is one that I have pondered for a while...

I've noticed a long time trend that is puzzling to me - tons of young players come up through the ranks (Amateur and Early Pro years) sporting the Titleist logo and/or being sponsored by Titleist. I get it that amateurs are not accepting sponsor cash, but if they are pimping someone's logo the chances are pretty damn high that they are using that type of equipment.  However, it does not take long before they switch.

David Dusek reports on the latest young gun to switch from Titleist to someone else - this time it is Danny Lee switching to Callaway.  And I don't mean just a partial switch either - it's the whole hog...balls, clubs, wedges, etc. (my boy Al Czervik says Danny even asked for some Callaway "naked lady" tees, but everyone knows those are a Bushwood exclusive !!!!)

Although I am only a middling golfer at best (8-11 handicap throughout the year), I am pretty specific about my gear, and pay close attention to it.  It's tough for me to imagine that people who are playing for millions would just switch - I know, I know, thay are GETTING big bucks to switch, but it just seems awfully strange.

Could Rory McIlroy be the next high profile defector ???

(postscript: I see that he has recently played Callaway irons..., but still it seems that Titleist would have really gone out hard to keep this guy in the stable...)

Taylor Made Performance Lab Perfects Cloning...

Ok, I admit the headline is a little sensationalistic, but heck it IS Monday - so we needed to juice it up a little bit (No, A-ROiD, that's not a casting call for you and your latest "New York Housewife" ...).

Many of you know of the space age wizardry that TaylorMade has in it's quiver of TaylorMade Performance Labs scattered across the USA - well, I have some good news for readers in the Beantown area (no, it's not those photos of Alex and Perez Hilton that you were hoping for - it's even better ! TaylorMade is announcing tomorrow that they are opening their newest TaylorMade Performance Lab at The International in Boston on April 27th - and it's rumored to be the best yet.

A few snippets from TaylorMade:

• Beginning April 27, TaylorMade Performance Lab’s certified professionals will fit men, women and junior golfers of all ages and abilities to a custom set of TaylorMade® golf clubs using an exclusive technology previously available only to Tour professionals, called Motion Analysis Technology by TaylorMade (MAT-T).
• “After visiting The International and seeing the fabulous golf courses and great facilities, I knew we had to bring our exclusive fitting system there,” said Herb Meistrich, President and CEO of TaylorMade Performance Labs. “The International is steeped in tradition and we know golfers from the Northeast will take advantage of the opportunity to enjoy an unparalleled custom fitting experience at a world class facility.
• Dan Weadock Jr, President of The International added, “With the introduction of the TaylorMade Performance Lab, The International reinforces its commitment to providing a world class golfing experience to our members, guests and the golfers around the world who come to play our two fabled courses.”

The labs use something called "motion capture technology", which is the same stuff used in the Tiger Woods golf game, and lots of movies. From what I have seen of the process, you feel a little bit like you are in a sci fi flick and are getting fitted for your on screen bod. From there, they analyze your swing,body movements, and posture - capturing the data necessary to come up with a custom set of specs for you. Based on these specs, a custom set of new sticks - driver to wedges, can be cranked out JUST FOR YOU in about 48 hours. The TMP Labs are located at The Four Seasons Resort in North San Diego,CA; the Hyatt Grand Cypress Resort in Orlando, Florida; Reynolds Plantation in Greensboro,GA (where I was last week !!!); and The Olympia Fields Country Club in Chicago,IL. More info is available at www.tmplabs.com.

Stay tuned for updates on this - I will be paying a visit to the TMP Lab at Reynolds Plantation later this summer, and will put up a couple of posts detailing what it is like from a first person guinea pig's perspective. I'm hoping that they can even clone a perfect golf partner for me (to the TMP guys - Use this recipe: Angelina Jolie + Megan Fox + Paula Creamer + my wife...)

That's it for today - gotta go watch some "Eastbound and Down".....Kenny Powers is callin' my name !

Dr. Beeper Prescribes a Cure for What Ails the PGA...

Not many people know this, but here at Bushwood, we employ a team of economists, statisticians, accountants, philosophers, and general brainiacs....all part of our "Think Tank". This team of brilliant individuals is led by our own Dr. Beeper. Beeper's crew was recently contacted by the PGA and the new Democratic administration to see if we could come up with a cure to current round of ailments that the PGA is suffering with - you know, sponsors who are revealed to be ponzi schemers, sponsors who need some bailout funds, viewers who no longer have homes to put their TV sets in, and layoffs everywhere.

Our team of crack "think tankers", led by longtime member Dr. Beeper (the presenter), convened at the 19th hole, tapped a fresh keg of Sweetwater 420, and prepared to enlighten the membership (and the world). As they began their presentation, they promised that their solution would do four things:

(1) Create Jobs (yeah, baby....we've got a future in politics)

(2) Increase viewership (thereby increasing ad revenues)

(3) Create excitement at the events (increased attendance)

(4) Increase revenues from product sales (hooray for the manufacturers)

The entire membership was on the edge of their seats, anxiously awaiting more information. The presenters went on to assure the crowd that this was a proven solution, and had been used successfully by many other organizations and different sports.

What could this panacea be, you ask dear reader ?

One word, proclaimed Dr. Beeper.... CHEERLEADERS !!!

That's right official PGA Cheerleaders! Not only could the manufaturers have cheerleaders (gimme a P, gimme an I, gimme an N, Gimme a G...gimme a PING !!!! Go Ping!!!) And we won't stop there - each player could have their own cheerleading SQUAD !!! Can you IMAGINE what kind of talent Camilo and Sergio would bring to the event ! Ay caramba !!!! (note to Mark Calcavecchia - please do not recruit your cheerleaders from the cast of "The View" - maybe you can just sit this one out..). For those doubting Thomases among the readers, I proudly submit the following examples of what could be in store for us....

By the way, in case you are wondering - two of the three teams represented above made the playoffs this year - so we are definitiely on to something !!! "Gimme a T, Gimme an A, Gimme a Y"..... Hooray for Cheerleaders !!!

(All photos property of Sports Illustrated - see more at www.si.com)

Blair O'Neal Interview - She's a Long Ball Hitter !

Bushwood CC is proud to bring you the second installment in our 3 interview series with contestants from this year’s Big Break. Today, we will be talking to a multi-talented native of Macomb, Illinois who fled the wintry Midwest for sunny Arizona at the tender age of two ! Guys, I gotta tell you, she is so pretty it will make your eyes blur - AND she can probably smoke it past you off the first tee - so get ready to be impressed, informed, and maybe a little intimidated !

Before we get started with the interview, I am psyched to tell you that Blair is partnering with Bushwood CC on our FIRST prize giveaway - Here is how it works: Just send an email to bushwoodcountryclub@gmail.com before May 7th, 2009. The winner (to be chosen at random) will receive their choice of one of the autographed items from the "Pro Shop" section of Blair's website. While you are there, feel free to browse around and buy some stuff - it goes to a great cause, supporting Blair's efforts to make it on tour.

And now, please give a HUGE Bushwood Country Club welcome to the lovely Blair O’Neal. (applause is deafening...)

Cash: Hi, Blair, it’s awesome to have you here at Bushwood Country Club’s 19^th hole. Thanks for making time for us.

Blair: Thanks for inviting me – I know that this chair is a special place, so I feel privileged to be here with you.

Cash; Sweet, well, I know the word is getting out that BCC is the happenin’ place to be – we had to turn down Spencer (and Heidi) last week, because our standards are pretty damn high. Anyway, enough about us, lets talk about you. You are quite a tall drink of water – you look like a model or something…

Blair: Well, I am 5’10” tall, and actually I AM a model. A little shameless self promotion here, if you do not mind – check me out at www.blairgolf.com

Cash: Nothing wrong with self promotion….we have collected some questions from the members here at Bushwood – do you feel like opening up a bit with us ?

Blair: No problem, but can you get me something to drink. Um, and don’t try the “apple juice trick” like you did on the eTrade baby, ok. I've been to more than one rodeo,cowboy...

Cash: Um, you, uh..., heard about that ??? Ok, No prob – here is a bottle of water. (see what I mean, fellas !) Ok, Blair, lets tee it up…

• Tell us a little about yourself – age, hometown, where you live now, college, etc. I’m 27 years old and live in Scottsdale, AZ. I played collegiately for 4 years at ASU, and loved every minute of it. I grew up in Tempe, so ASU was something that I always had a strong affinity for. As you mentioned earlier, I was born in Macomb, Illinois. Right now, in addition to working really hard on my golf game, I am also modeling and going on casting calls.

• Tell us about your time at ASU ? ASU was an incredible experience. When I was growing up, I always wanted to go there and play golf. One of my early goals was to be recruited for the golf team and receive a scholarship to play there. I always dreamed of playing golf at ASU because they had a great program and one of the best coaches in the country, Linda Vollstedt. My favorite memories of ASU are (1) getting recruited to play there, (2) going to NCAA nationals EVERY year, and (3) winning the long drive contest !

• What are your goals for 2009 ? My goals for 2009 are to play in as many competitive events as possible (Cactus Tour, Duramed Futures Tour, etc) and to go to LPGA Q school at the end of the year. I will be working very hard on my game, and am on the lookout for sponsors to support me in this effort. As you know, the purses are not large on the developmental tours, so every dollar really counts!

• What part of your game are you working the hardest on ? I am really paying particular attention to my short game and the mental side of golf. I have always hit the ball pretty far, and with good accuracy. To better my tournament scores, I have got to really perfect the scoring part of the game inside 100 yards.

• How were you introduced to golf ? I started pretty young – I hit my first ball at 11, and was playing tournaments by the time I was 13. My Dad is a golfer, and when I was 11, he put my brother and me in a junior golf clinic. I loved it IMMEDIATELY. When we finished the clinic, Dad could see the gleam in my eyes, so he got me started with lessons and I have been hooked ever since that time.

• What’s in your bag ? Well, right now I am playing PING – and the folks at Ping (an Az. based company) have been very nice to me over the years. I play the Ping ISI blade irons, a G2 driver (I know it’s old, but I love it), Ping tour wedges, and a Ping Anser putter. I took some time off of competing the last couple of years, so I will be updating some of my equipment this year. I play the Titleist Pro V1 ball.

• So we have to ask, How do YOU mark your Titleist ? I mark my Pro V1 with two dots above the name on the ball – my colors change. Sometimes, I get balls with the ASU logo – I love Sparky!

• Tell us about your work with Play Golf Designs – what is involved in that ? Play Golf Designs is a really cool outfit – first class all the way. I’ve worked with Nisha there for a little over two years, and played in 3 events with them. The coolest was a Broadcasters Association Tournament in CT – there were tons of former pro athletes there – I remember playing a Par 3 with Ahmad Rashad and several others – very memorable stuff. I like working with PGD because it fits well with my schedule, and provides a unique opportunity to interact with people who really care about golf.

• How many holes in one do you have in your career ? I have only had one ace in my career ! I was playing a practice round in college, and hit a 6 iron into a long, uphill par 3 with an elevated green. I’m waiting for my hole in one during a tournament round!

• OK, now for a personal question – since you won the long drive contests in college, how far do you hit your driver ? I average about 275 - 280 off the tee. I have always hit the ball a long way, and this really helps my game.

• Who would be in your dream foursome and why ? Hmmmm – Tiger, my Dad, and My Grandfather. I never got to play golf with my grandfather – he played back home in Illinois and was a great golfer. His name was Robert O’Neal, and I’ve heard stories about how he loved to play in tournaments… so I think that would be a good group!

• Favorite sports other than golf ? Growing up I was very involved in dance (ballet,tap,cheer,etc). I basically gave it up so I could focus on improving my golf game. In high school, I did one year of track… but it was really just for fun. Now, I enjoy yoga, lifting weights, and I LOVE hiking up Camelback Mountain right here in the valley of the sun. I also enjoy going to basketball and hockey games. (Editor’s note – little known fact – Blair was the STAR player for one of the teams in the Lingerie Bowl)

• Favorite athlete ? Tiger is my favorite athlete – his focus and ability to execute under pressure is an incredible motivator.

• What frustrates you the most ? Hmmmm, I’d say all that’s incolved in getting sponsors for a player like me is one of the most frustrating things for me – I really really want to place 110% of my focus on improving my game, and not worry about how I am going to get the funding to support my pursuit of making the LPGA tour. Entry fees and travel expenses add up very quickly. (Hint to prospective sponsors – Blair is a sharp, smart, articulate, attractive, and imminently likable person. This is someone to take a long, hard look at !)

• What makes you smile ? I smile all the time, and love to laugh ! Although nothing makes me smile like hitting a great golf shot.

• What’s on your IPOD ? A mix, really. I really love music – currently there is a Black Eyed Peas song called “Boom Boom Pow” that I cannot get out of my head. I like up-tempo music.

• What's your take on the whole "new media / Web 2.0" thing ? I am pretty technologically forward thinking - It is a great way to establish and promote your personal brand, and to connect with people - fans and friends. I am on Facebook and Twitter, and have a pretty cool website as well.

Cash: Blair, thank you so much for taking time to talk to the folks here at Bushwood. We have really enjoyed getting to know you a little better, and look forward to catching up with you as the season progresses.

Blair: You are welcome - it was great spending time with you - this is a REALLY nice place you have here.

Cash: Nothing but the finest here at Bushwood - since Judge Smails went to that great bunker in the sky and left us his millions, we are rolling in a fat way ! We are super excited to welcome you as a member of Bushwood Country Club, and like all new members, your Bushwood CC t-shirt is on the way to you. Don't forget to send us a pic of you sporting it, ok ?

Blair: I promise to wear it with pride and humor, er, honor, and always uphold the values and virtues of Bushwood...



For more info on Blair O'Neal be sure to check out the upcoming season (premiering April 20th) of TGC's "Big Break PEI" - Blair is sure to be a hit with everyone. You can also find Blair online at www.blairgolf.com, or on Twitter @blairalana.

You can see videos of Blair and Big Break PEI here:

http://tinyurl.com/c9vslx and here http://tinyurl.com/cg5f2j