Sunday, March 22, 2009

eTrade Baby Interview (part one) - It's all about "e", Baby...





Bushwood Country Club is rapidly becoming known as home of some of the coolest interviews in the golf blogosphere. I've got a lot of catching up to do before I am at the level of my personal "Yodas of Golf Blogging" (Armchair Golfer and Golf Girl) - but I am a grinder...

Anyway, we have a total SCORE here - In what looks to be a FIRST in the sports world, Bushwood CC has nailed an interview with the guy previously known only as "the eTrade baby". It took some real negotiating, and a serious chunk out of my rapidly dwindling cash balances (dealing with Parent/Agents is a beyotch!!!) ,- but the lil' guy finally signed on the line that is dotted (ABC - always be closing...) and stopped by for a chat. Things were really going great for a long while, until we got sort of, .....well, lets just say this will be a two part interview because we did not quite finish.

Here is how it went down amid the plushness that is BCC's 19th hole....
The Basics
Cash: Welcome to Bushwood, uhhhhhh, eTrade baby...

eTrade Baby: Thanks, dude....how about a beverage, a guy could die of thirst around here.

Cash: Ok, sure - what'll you have ?

eTrade Baby: hmmm, it's early...maybe just a little brewski in my bottle here, ok...Mom will think it's just apple juice or something

Cash: No problem, here you go (incredulously - jeez, it's only 8:30 am)... so, before we get started, ummmmm, what should I call you, I mean what is your name ?

eTrade Baby: Everyone asks me that, y'know... it's a long story, just call me ""e" , ok bunny.

Cash: No problem, "e". Is your bottle ok, before we get started ?

e: "burrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrp" - "ahhh, why don't you go ahead and top me off there ok - yeah, that's good. I'm ready to go

Cash: Ok - first, tell us a little about yourself.

e: "Well, my people are trying to keep this very hush hush, but screw 'em, I'm letting it all hang out today. I'm 2 1/2 years old, a Saggitarius, and I'm working on getting my own pad down in South Beach (hot chicks there, y'know...). I'm a day trader by profession, but my passion, my craft, my reason for being, is golf. I've been playing for a little over a year now, and am a plus 1 handicap.

Golfing Skills
Cash: Wow - That's pretty amazing - tell us about your game.

e: Well, I am long off the tee for sure - I can lay it out there about 340 most of the time. Everybody thinks this Rory dude is long...let's just say his beatdown is coming. Bunker play is the toughest for me, because at 2' 10", it's damn hard to see over the top of the bunkers. Getting fitted properly is a pain too because I am still growing. I keep the fitters at TaylorMade pretty busy.

Cash: Understood - TaylorMade, huh ? We noticed the visor in your SuperBowl commercial - are they a sponsor ?

e: Oh yeah, they ponied up some serious jack in our first meeting, and just would NOT take no for an answer. We're talking Tiger money, baby - mid 7 figures right out of the chute. I'm set up with the latest and greatest that they have to offer, including Paula Creamer and Natalie Gulbis on my speed dial.

Cash: Paula and Natalie, hmmm- not too shabby. So you like the ladies, do ya ?

e: Absotively.....hot chicks and kewl sticks, that's how I roll...

The Ladies
Cash: Wow - well, speaking of the fairer sex, we all remember the "bad girl" who texted, and then called you while you were filming on of your famous spots. Who was the naughty one ? Anyone we know ?

e: Awwwwww man, don't press me on that ....Well, ok...it's on the major down low..., but I guess I can let you in on it. You know, I sort of have this thing for older chicks - I mean girls my age just can't handle me. Anyway, it was ....Madonna. How about a refill - this is making me thirsty...burrrrrrp.


Cash: WHAT ? Madonna ?

e: Yeah, she got tired of that A-ROID - I mean, he's like always sticking needles in his butt and stuff, and he still could not keep up with her. Let me tell you, she is hot, my man...
Loves the game, too....I've been working with her on her ballstriking, and she is really coming along.

Plan for World Domination
Cash: What do you see in your future ?

e: Well, I've banked a ton of cabbage doing the day trader thing, and my game is almost tour ready - so I am about to BLOW UP. I plan to continue my market mastery for another year, play the Nationwide Tour when I turn 4, and then press Tim Finchem big time to let me on the big stage no later than my 5th birthday. I figure by the time I'm 25, I will have done all I can do on the links and broken all of the records. Then, I plan to climb all 7 Summits, win the NYC marathon, and start training for the Tour de France.

Cash: You certainly have your goals laid out clearly for someone who was born in 2006... Anything else on the horizon ?

e: Actually, yes, a couple of pretty big things. My hip hop record drops July 15th - HOLLA ! Snoop, Fiddy, and T.I. are all over it - (had to tell Kanye "no way"). I've also got a book which will be out in the fall. Beer me, will ya bunny ?

Cash: A book huh - well, our members are of the studious sort, tell us about your book.

e: It's kind of the story of my life - it's called " How to Throw Up and Still Hook Up". I am prolly the world's foremost authority on that...


Mommy Interruptus !!!!
The interview ended abruptly when "e's" Mom, startled by the belch-fest, enters the room and tells us it's time for his nap....It's all good, until she pickes up his bottle of "apple juice" and notices the frothy head on it. Mommy is, er, not thrilled - I may be in a little trouble here...

Postscript: Mommy settled down, and agreed to Part 2 of the interview. Check back soon for more revelations about the Life of "e"...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Love this! I couldn't stop laughing!
-Amber Prange

Kim K. said...

"It was on the cart path, SHANKAPOTAMUS!!" haha... You definitely made me laugh... I also loved the reference to Madonna and "A-Roid!!" :)