Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Hollywood has a LOT of FAKE H_ _ _ _ RS

Get your mind out of the gutter....I'm talking about the "celebrity" golfers HACKERS who sport those handicaps that are complete bullsh!t.

We have all watched with great amusement as "celebrities" hack it around in the "Celebrity Pro-Ams" that we are tortured with. There are two utterly ridiculous parts to this ruse: (1) the celebs (alleged) handicaps, and (2) the inane remarks that the commentators feel obliged to pimp out (Google "Kelly Tilghman & Tim Finchem's solid six handicap" for a real gutbuster). It would only be funny (and not sad as well) if we just had to watch them play - but to listen to the talking heads act as if these are "real" handicaps is preposterous.

Well - finally,someone has broken ranks and has come clean about the "Celebrity Golfing" community. According to a quote in Golfweek from Mark Wahlberg (creator of "Entourage" , aka"Marky Mark"), "All the guys in Hollywood stink. They've all got fake hadicaps". Wahlberg, who has been previously reported as a "single digit" handicapper, admits that his game has slipped of late, and that he usually shoots in the high 80's and 90s.
The photos above are just a few of the most egregious offenders, but below is an excerpt from a recent "celebrity golf" list and their um, handicaps - read it and laugh your azz off...(my comments in italics)

1. Dennis Quaid 1.1 Improved from 4.5 to 1.1 in four months - RIIIIGHT. That equates to about 7 strokes per round improvement.
6. Samuel L. Jackson 4.9 Most improved since our 2001 rankings - Ever watch him play - Don't...
15. Bill Murray 7.5 Pebble fave keeps Index on East Coast - As a Caddyhack standard bearer, he should be ashamed of posting this.
23. Andy Garcia 9.1 Won AT&T with Paul Stankowski in '97 - All flash, no game.
T34. Sylvester Stallone 12 Plays often at MountainGate in L.A. - About as real as that hair and that taut jawline. "Yo Adrian, I'm taking 5 mulligans today"..
45. George Lopez 14.2 A hit on ABC and with AT&T galleries - Glad to see him gone from the ATT Pebble.
T46. Joe Pesci 14.3 Plays most rounds at Lakeside - Maybe the most laughable on the list. He hits it like 165 off the tee.

Who among you would not be happy to take any of these guys at their handicap ? I'll admit there are some celebs who can play (Jack Wagner, Quaid, Kenny G, etc) - but most are, as Marky Mark so aptly puts it "fake"...

Oh, as far as the Donald, he's currently a 1.2 . That handicap is about as real as a Mother-in-Law's love...Come on out to Bushwood, Donald - I'll play you straight up..., but remember "There is no gambling at Bushwood" !!!

1 comment:

Heather said...

You had to go and mention Jack Wagner--my teenage heart throb. DAMN! I won't be able to concentrate for the rest of the day AND he's a real golfer. I knew he wouldn't let me down.

You take the Donald, I'll call Jack.