Sunday, April 19, 2009

Dr. Beeper Prescribes a Cure for What Ails the PGA...

Not many people know this, but here at Bushwood, we employ a team of economists, statisticians, accountants, philosophers, and general brainiacs....all part of our "Think Tank". This team of brilliant individuals is led by our own Dr. Beeper. Beeper's crew was recently contacted by the PGA and the new Democratic administration to see if we could come up with a cure to current round of ailments that the PGA is suffering with - you know, sponsors who are revealed to be ponzi schemers, sponsors who need some bailout funds, viewers who no longer have homes to put their TV sets in, and layoffs everywhere.
Our team of crack "think tankers", led by longtime member Dr. Beeper (the presenter), convened at the 19th hole, tapped a fresh keg of Sweetwater 420, and prepared to enlighten the membership (and the world). As they began their presentation, they promised that their solution would do four things:

(1) Create Jobs (yeah, baby....we've got a future in politics)
(2) Increase viewership (thereby increasing ad revenues)
(3) Create excitement at the events (increased attendance)
(4) Increase revenues from product sales (hooray for the manufacturers)

The entire membership was on the edge of their seats, anxiously awaiting more information. The presenters went on to assure the crowd that this was a proven solution, and had been used successfully by many other organizations and different sports.

What could this panacea be, you ask dear reader ?

One word, proclaimed Dr. Beeper.... CHEERLEADERS !!!

That's right official PGA Cheerleaders! Not only could the manufaturers have cheerleaders (gimme a P, gimme an I, gimme an N, Gimme a G...gimme a PING !!!! Go Ping!!!) And we won't stop there - each player could have their own cheerleading SQUAD !!! Can you IMAGINE what kind of talent Camilo and Sergio would bring to the event ! Ay caramba !!!! (note to Mark Calcavecchia - please do not recruit your cheerleaders from the cast of "The View" - maybe you can just sit this one out..). For those doubting Thomases among the readers, I proudly submit the following examples of what could be in store for us....

By the way, in case you are wondering - two of the three teams represented above made the playoffs this year - so we are definitiely on to something !!! "Gimme a T, Gimme an A, Gimme a Y"..... Hooray for Cheerleaders !!!

(All photos property of Sports Illustrated - see more at

1 comment:

Heather said...

As someone who has a serious problem with the rampant GITH (Get It The Hole) disease that is spreading like wild fire on the tour, I'm not sure I can endorse this measure. HOWEVER, maybe the cheerleaders would need a squad coach that could guide them to use proper golf cheers. Like "GO Spiderman, Go!" I could do that, but I would have to meet with Mr. Villegas ahead of time to approve the proper cheers.